If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
