I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
