i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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