Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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