just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
