I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Your shirt... Was in my pants
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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