I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
