she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
