i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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