Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize
