I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
