Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
