i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
