if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
