This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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