Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize