We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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