Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
