The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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