Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
