Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
