i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
