Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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