Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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