lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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