So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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