You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
