accomplished twins. life is a go
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
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I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
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I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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