I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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