1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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