its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
