I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
