you would pick up someone in the library
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
