I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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