In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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