I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
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I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
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The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
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