She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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