You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We got so high we made milksteak
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
