I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
