I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Randomize
