I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
