fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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