i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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