Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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