i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
