Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
