I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
