So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
