I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
