Will you blow on my dice?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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