Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
