I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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