I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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