I just saw a hot homeless man
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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