I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
