Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
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You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
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How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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