if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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