Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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