I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
