the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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