So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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