you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
