they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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