Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
