I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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