Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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