the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
