Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
