the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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