I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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