Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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