Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
