Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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