When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
