walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i need some magic done to my vagina
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize