I think my vagina is haunted
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
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