i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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