Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
