Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
