Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
