i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
