I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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