There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i think i just lost a toe
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My vagina just clenched in fear
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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